A LETTER TO MY 10 YEAR YOUNGER SELF
Letter to my 10 years younger self
“In hope that this can inspire people who don’t believe in themselves to go on trying”.
Hey Live, 20 years old, I am about to become 30 and you have no clue how much your life is going to change the next 10 years. When I tell you that one day you will be going to university, lead an Amnesty student group and be happy, I know you would react with anger. That’s because you would think I am taunting you, by presenting an imaginary future that you can never have and a person you can never be.
Because that is what you believe right now. That you are a failure that can never be anything else than a burden for society and the people you love.
I know your life now is very painful and dark, but there is a better tomorrow coming your way, even though you can’t see or believe it in right now. I know you want to give up, but I am so thankful that you did not. That you held the ground while not really knowing the reason why. Because in 10 years not only can you take care of yourself, but you have also been there for people. There will be situations where you will lend your hands to others and offer help and comfort. For instance, you will be there for mum when she needs you and you will become a joy for the people you love and not a burden. Well of course you have your moment of being clumsy and annoying and you will never be perfect, but that is not the goal anyway.
Let me tell you a bit of what’s happening right now. You always did like creating and now you are studying to be an interaction designer. The most interesting part though, is that design is all about making something that helps people. I have a dream to be a part of creating systems that will help the world take a more sustainable turn. Sounds fun, right? These days a lot of people are pessimistic about the future. Even suggesting it might be cruel to bring children into this uncertain future. I do believe that there are possibilities for the future, despite the fact that there are so many disturbing and cruel acts of violations around the world. I do believe there are more acts of kindness that happen every day, everywhere, that we do not hear about. So, for anyone saying that it’s no use in trying because it does not make a difference, I would like to say that of course it makes a difference! Whether it´s small or big you never know what your action can mean for someone else and the only time it’s impossible, is when we don’t try.
By now you must be wondering who this person writing is and that it can’t possibly be you. You don’t believe in people. Not others and not in yourself. Maybe that is why I do believe that the world can change, because I had to go through a huge change from being you to becoming me.
You might wonder what made this change possible and I have to warn you that it’s not going to be easy. Unfortunately, is also going to get worse before it gets better. Someone will hurt you in a way that almost tears you apart. You are basically going to be so low that you are going to ask yourself to make a choice. Because the life you are living will lead you in a direction where you won’t get to celebrate a 30 years birthday and there would be no me.
You will choose to try to change and once you start doing that you are going to realize that those sides of you that you thought were dead and gone are actually not. It is not lost; it’s just covered by darkness and pain right now.
First you will change how you think and talk to yourself. Stop telling yourself what you cannot do and what and awful person you are. What you have been saying to yourself is awful and there is no reason for you to treat yourself the way you do. You are going to make a promise to yourself, to never physically or mentally hurt yourself again, and this is a promise that I still live by today. It will not happen overnight there will be years of struggling with your instincts to self-harm. But whenever you tell yourself what a failure you are, there is going to be a second voice “No, I can do this, I believe in myself”. That voice is going to slowly grow until this is now my main voice and it will change everything. I know you don’t know how to get out of bed in the morning right now, and the thought of meeting people will make you stay inside. You won’t believe this, but you love getting to know new people, you can be in crowded areas without difficulties and even speak in front of an audience. You’re not afraid of being you, you are not ashamed of yourself. I am now proud that I turned my life around. You are going to be celebrating your 30th birthday with amazing people that you will meet and become close too. There is not even enough room in your flat for all those you want to invite. Because the world has a lot of awesome people in it and you just need to move beyond your fears.
Lastly, I need to tell you to just hold on for now. Do you remember what you told yourself after you failed for the third time at high school and dropped out one more time? You were asking yourself why you are doing this. Why keep trying? You go all in and try and then when it fails it is heartbreaking and such a big disappointment. It would be so much easier if you would just accept that fact that you can’t. At that moment you answered yourself “No, it might lead me into disappointments, but this inner will to try is what’s going to get me out of this messed up life”. You were right you know. Don’t tell yourself you can’t. Don’t give up if you fail. Don’t stop believing. We all have so much potential to be and change and change again.
I am now in a situation where I can learn from you. Because the only thing that matters to you is your family. You could live for them when you could not live for yourself. Without their love, support and faith I would not be who I am today, and I am so grateful. I don’t need to ask what´s the meaning of life, I just need to ask who gives my life meaning. Now that there are grades, work, achievements and ambitions surrounding me it’s easy to lose sight of what is important. I want to remember how life used to be, so I don’t forget to appreciate what I have now and all the good people. Above all else I want to celebrate the people around me who I admire and love. If we work on making a good now for each other then I do believe the future has a fighting chance. Sometimes you have to keep on trying even if you can’t imagine what will be. The point I am trying to make is that no human is too lost to change, and you never know what you might be able to accomplice if you try. You just got to take that first step.
See you in 10 years’ time, it’s going to be a bumpy ride, but just take one step and then another and then another and you will get there. Find your way, keep on trying
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| The best person to believe in is yourself |
Hey Live, 20 years old, I am about to become 30 and you have no clue how much your life is going to change the next 10 years. When I tell you that one day you will be going to university, lead an Amnesty student group and be happy, I know you would react with anger. That’s because you would think I am taunting you, by presenting an imaginary future that you can never have and a person you can never be.
Because that is what you believe right now. That you are a failure that can never be anything else than a burden for society and the people you love.
I know your life now is very painful and dark, but there is a better tomorrow coming your way, even though you can’t see or believe it in right now. I know you want to give up, but I am so thankful that you did not. That you held the ground while not really knowing the reason why. Because in 10 years not only can you take care of yourself, but you have also been there for people. There will be situations where you will lend your hands to others and offer help and comfort. For instance, you will be there for mum when she needs you and you will become a joy for the people you love and not a burden. Well of course you have your moment of being clumsy and annoying and you will never be perfect, but that is not the goal anyway.
Let me tell you a bit of what’s happening right now. You always did like creating and now you are studying to be an interaction designer. The most interesting part though, is that design is all about making something that helps people. I have a dream to be a part of creating systems that will help the world take a more sustainable turn. Sounds fun, right? These days a lot of people are pessimistic about the future. Even suggesting it might be cruel to bring children into this uncertain future. I do believe that there are possibilities for the future, despite the fact that there are so many disturbing and cruel acts of violations around the world. I do believe there are more acts of kindness that happen every day, everywhere, that we do not hear about. So, for anyone saying that it’s no use in trying because it does not make a difference, I would like to say that of course it makes a difference! Whether it´s small or big you never know what your action can mean for someone else and the only time it’s impossible, is when we don’t try.
You might wonder what made this change possible and I have to warn you that it’s not going to be easy. Unfortunately, is also going to get worse before it gets better. Someone will hurt you in a way that almost tears you apart. You are basically going to be so low that you are going to ask yourself to make a choice. Because the life you are living will lead you in a direction where you won’t get to celebrate a 30 years birthday and there would be no me.
You will choose to try to change and once you start doing that you are going to realize that those sides of you that you thought were dead and gone are actually not. It is not lost; it’s just covered by darkness and pain right now.
First you will change how you think and talk to yourself. Stop telling yourself what you cannot do and what and awful person you are. What you have been saying to yourself is awful and there is no reason for you to treat yourself the way you do. You are going to make a promise to yourself, to never physically or mentally hurt yourself again, and this is a promise that I still live by today. It will not happen overnight there will be years of struggling with your instincts to self-harm. But whenever you tell yourself what a failure you are, there is going to be a second voice “No, I can do this, I believe in myself”. That voice is going to slowly grow until this is now my main voice and it will change everything. I know you don’t know how to get out of bed in the morning right now, and the thought of meeting people will make you stay inside. You won’t believe this, but you love getting to know new people, you can be in crowded areas without difficulties and even speak in front of an audience. You’re not afraid of being you, you are not ashamed of yourself. I am now proud that I turned my life around. You are going to be celebrating your 30th birthday with amazing people that you will meet and become close too. There is not even enough room in your flat for all those you want to invite. Because the world has a lot of awesome people in it and you just need to move beyond your fears.
Lastly, I need to tell you to just hold on for now. Do you remember what you told yourself after you failed for the third time at high school and dropped out one more time? You were asking yourself why you are doing this. Why keep trying? You go all in and try and then when it fails it is heartbreaking and such a big disappointment. It would be so much easier if you would just accept that fact that you can’t. At that moment you answered yourself “No, it might lead me into disappointments, but this inner will to try is what’s going to get me out of this messed up life”. You were right you know. Don’t tell yourself you can’t. Don’t give up if you fail. Don’t stop believing. We all have so much potential to be and change and change again.
I am now in a situation where I can learn from you. Because the only thing that matters to you is your family. You could live for them when you could not live for yourself. Without their love, support and faith I would not be who I am today, and I am so grateful. I don’t need to ask what´s the meaning of life, I just need to ask who gives my life meaning. Now that there are grades, work, achievements and ambitions surrounding me it’s easy to lose sight of what is important. I want to remember how life used to be, so I don’t forget to appreciate what I have now and all the good people. Above all else I want to celebrate the people around me who I admire and love. If we work on making a good now for each other then I do believe the future has a fighting chance. Sometimes you have to keep on trying even if you can’t imagine what will be. The point I am trying to make is that no human is too lost to change, and you never know what you might be able to accomplice if you try. You just got to take that first step.
See you in 10 years’ time, it’s going to be a bumpy ride, but just take one step and then another and then another and you will get there. Find your way, keep on trying
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